My Eternal Rose
by MindlessMazes
Summary: I never thought a single rose could convey so much emotion – so much pain. It is painted the color of my blood and shows the world my misery. My love, my life, my reason never again, no more…


**My Eternal Rose**

**Summary: **I never thought a single rose could convey so much emotion – so much pain. It is painted the color of my blood and shows the world my misery. My love, my life, my reason never again, no more…

**Hello Readers!**

**This is my first fanfic, so I would appreciate it if there are no flames. I am always open to suggestions and helpful criticism and new ideas. So please speak your mind and tell me what you think. Thanks.**

** Lyla**

**DISCLAIMER: ALL PUBLICLY RECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERS, SETTINGS, ETC. ARE THE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS AND PLOT ARE THE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR. THE AUTHOR IS IN NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH THE OWNERS, CREATORS, OR PRODUCERS OF ANY MEDIA FRANCHISE. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED. **

I feel numb. My body and mind are disconnected from the world. I want so desperately for this to be a nightmare, for a nightmare promises an end the next morning. Drenched in sweat, my breaths come in short panicked hiccups, but nonetheless, it is an end. Nightmares make you see your worst fears, but reality makes you live them. I remember a time, which feels like a life time ago, when I would wake up with my face being cradled by the man I love. I remember every kiss, every laugh, every word, every caress, and every memory. But _he _is not here anymore. _He _left me for someone who is perfect, who is beautiful, who is as flawless as him, who can give him what he wants. I knew it was too good to be true. I couldn't fathom why someone like _him_ could ever love someone like _me. _And it turns out I was right. Edward left me. It's time to face the music, Bella.

For months, I saw nothing but darkness. I did nothing. No eating, no talking, no moving, no friends, no Charlie, nothing. I would rock myself to sleep, chanting his name, and it became my mantra. I felt like I was torn in half. I was being dismembered slowly, painfully. Being alone with my thoughts is a dangerous thing. I'm being torn and crumpled like a piece of paper, snapped in half like a twig, shattered like a porcelain doll, and emptied like a river into the ocean. But now I'm drained of life, of reason, of emotion because for once I feel nothing. Empty. Drained. Hollow. Void. Blank. Nothing.

That dreadful morning, I woke up to cool kisses being peppered onto my face and fingers running through my hair. "Good morning love."

"Mmhh…I could get used to waking up like this," I sighed. Edward murmured sweet nothings in my ear and ran his hand down my side, slightly grazing the side of my breast causing me to shiver in delight. He smirked at the control he had over my body and my cheeks blushed a violent red. "I've always wondered how far down that blush goes, Isabella." My face flushed and my breathing became shallow. His eyes, pools of golden hues and caramel, dilated, tinting a few shades darker.

He tilted my head up with his chin, effectively making me lose my train of thought as I found myself getting lost in those sparkling eyes. He touched my lip with his so lightly. It felt like the wings of a butterfly. He pulled back, took one look at me, and apparently he found what he was looking for and crushed my lips to his. His tongue swirled around my lower lip. He took it between his teeth and nipped it. I allowed him to explore the rest of my mouth and I tangled my fingers into his bronze hair. He abruptly pulled back, startling me. I looked once more at him and instead of finding love and lust, I found a striking coldness, distance. His eyes lacked emotion and sentiment. His posture tensed and next thing I know, he was at the door. He turned and said, "Bella, get dressed, eat your breakfast, and join me outside."

He walked out of the room, leaving me all hot and bothered and stunned at his behavior. I mean I knew he had boundaries when it came to our physical relationship, but he was the one who initiated that. I did as he asked of me, and dressed in a tight royal blue full sleeved, V-neck, cotton top – knowing he was partial to blue, and my favorite pair of blue jeans. I looked at myself in my mirror. Turning around in a circle, I decided I looked presentable enough, but I knew I could never be compared to him – his beauty, his prominent cheekbones, bronze sexy hair, masculine chiseled jaw bone, his toned body, and flawless skin. My hair, a dark mahogany color, is dull. I'm only about 5'4," and my face was pretty average. My skin is as pale as him, except his looked marvelous, while mine had somewhat of a sickly appearance. I've always had a slender form, but I wished my breasts looked a bit fuller and hips were wider. But I had to work with what I got.

Edward could have any woman he desired. And for a century he rejected women left and right. There are plenty of women out there willing to give up just about anything to be with him. Tanya Denali sure is. She made her intentions towards Edward pretty clear when her coven visited last August. Her hair was a silky blonde that cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. She was graceful, and beautiful, and as perfect as Edward. She had the curves I longed for. And the confidence I lacked. But most importantly, she was his equal. A vampire, who was as strong, as fast, and as talented. So, why me? What's so intriguing about plain, old Bella? Tanya could certainly satisfy his wants and needs, when I couldn't. I didn't stand a chance against her, but he still chose me.

I huffed and grudgingly walked downstairs. Too anxious to eat anything, I gulped down a glass of orange juice and practically ran out of the house to meet him. Edward was standing at the very edge of the woods, signaling me to join him. His brows were furrowed, lips pressed into a fine line, and his fists were clenched shut. His back was ram-rod straight, his shoulders pulled back, and he looked impossibly paler. If at any time I was scared of Edward, It was more so now than ever. We walked on the along the damp trail and I noticed the trees amongst the both of us were denser and thicker. His footsteps paused momentarily, and turned around to face me using his ghostly speed. He waited until my eyes refocused.

"Bella, we've leaving, my family and I only. And before you ask, no I don't want you to come with me. In fact, I don't want you at all. You are aware of how lonesome my existence can be. And for years, I have done the motions of the same sickening routine that if I didn't have change, I would have ended up hanging myself, metaphorically speaking of course. I needed a change, and I found that in you. Never have I come across a mind that I could not read. You captured my attention, frustrated me, fascinated me, and infuriated me with you silent mind, but never once have I loved you. You were game to me, Bella, and now I've grown bored of you. You are simply a plain, boring human. So go on with your life. Go to college, fall in love, get married, have children, and grow old with mate. That's how it's supposed to be. And I will never return to you, or even give a second thought about you. Take care."

It felt like it wasn't real. All my deepest, darkest insecurities he had spouted out his mouth. It couldn't be real. So, I just stood there. I didn't believe that fate could be so cruel. That whatever superior entity there was could hate me so much. My body stood in place, but my mind was far away. I replayed my times with him, watching them like scenes of a film – his long, slender fingers gliding on keys, his hand reaching to tuck a loose strand of hair on my face behind my ear, him running to catch me and grip me around the waist, dancing with him in night lit up by the moon, tickling me on my bed, meeting his family, being accepted by them, calling him late at night because I couldn't sleep, every thought of devotion, every word of delight, ever kiss of passion – didn't mean a thing.

When all the words were said and done with, and I watched Edward walk away from me forever, I was incapable of functioning. At first, I was calm. Too calm. I went into shock, staring dejectedly at where he was standing expecting that he would reappear and hold me in his arms. I laughed, because the irony of the situation didn't pass me by. The man who vowed to love me and stand by my side for eternity didn't want me any longer – wanted me out of his life. And I laughed a good laugh. It started out softly, just a few chuckles here and there with the corners of my mouth pulled up in a smile. And it gradually escalated to the point where I was grinning like a mad fool and surely sounded like I'd gone insane. Maybe I have. And the actuality of what had happened fell on top of me like a ton of bricks, bringing me to my knees until I was crying, sobbing, screaming, begging him to come back and losing every ounce of dignity in the process.

He didn't care. He would move on with his endless forever, and I with my aging life. That's what hurt the most. Only then, did my heart seem to be ripped out of my body. I didn't see the point of my days anymore. What was the point, the purpose? If he's gone, what am I? What could I ever live up to? Who could I make proud to call me his wife, his lover, his other half? Who would I be without Edward by my side? After feeling the anguish of loneliness and loveless nights for an eternity, and dwelling over what my existence meant to anyone, I finally snapped. I didn't want this anymore. I didn't want life if it wasn't with Edward, and I started to have suicidal thoughts. I had had enough, and from the looks of it, so did Charlie.

"Isabella, it has been months – no phone calls, texts, letters, or emails from him or his family. They are gone. Get over him. He's just a boy, Bella. You will fall in love so many times before you find the one for you. But this has gotten out of control. You cannot live like this! You behavior is alarming – catatonic, lifeless, zombie- like. You either get yourself back together or I'm sending you to your mother," I recalled him yelling at me. He left my room as soon as he finished his rant.

I glanced around my room. And I let out of breath I've been holding since he left me. My eyes zeroed in on a dead, shriveled up bouquet on my dresser. Roses. Edward had given them to me the night of our prom. They looked so full of life when he gave them to me – so red with love, passion, and exuberance. I kept them as a memory to cherish, but as I look at them now, they appear like the life had been sucked out of them. The red that once painted each delicate petal was fading and looked dead. Like me. I gasped. Charlie was right. I was being selfish. I was neglecting myself, my father, my friends, my dreams, and aspirations. Being with Edward made me neglect myself. As soon as he claimed me as his, my sole purpose was to serve as a toy for him to play with – a game only Edward himself could win. And suddenly, I didn't feel numb anymore. I felt a new emotion rising and bursting within me - Anger, rage, animosity, frustration, bitterness, indignation, resentment, irritation, agitation, madness, mania. I decided right then and there that I hated Edward Cullen. He did this to me. He broke me.

I watched those roses decay and die, just as I did. I watched them crumble, wilt, and fall. I watched them shred to pieces. I watched them destroy themselves, as I had done to myself. Their purpose was to enhance a romantic atmosphere. They were supposed to be the flowers of a lover, but I see now that they also show what a lover can do to you – how a lover can torture you, and twist the knife he stabbed into you deeper.

_A rose is one of the most profound things you will see in your lifetime._

_For it can tell an entire life's story, struggles, feelings, passions, hatred, desires, and love – all in a single glance._

_A rose is the color of…_

_The pain that you have endured,_

_The misery your tormentors have caused you,_

_The rage that has coursed through you veins,_

_The sweet sickening blood that you have spilled on the void you call your life;_

_It is the color of the blood that bleeds from the scars that have scorned your very soul,_

_The thorns you have walked on through your trials and hardships_

_That which you have clawed a bottomless pit into your heart;_

_A heart bursting at its seams_

_A heart worn out and tiresome_

_A heart which has shattered._

_But also, a heart filled with the passion that ignites your eyes,_

_Filled with compassion and humility_

_Filled with a strength you never knew you had,_

_Integrity to stand against the wrong_

_Such valor_

_Such fierceness_

_Protectiveness over those you pledge your loyalty to._

_Filled with, I dare say, love._

_Love that lights the brightest of smiles upon your face._

_Love that sews the seams of your tethered heart back together._

_Love that gives you another reason to choose to witness good in a cynical world;_

_Choose to see the best of a person, through their faults and flaws._

_Love that gives you another reason to love, to laugh, to smile, to cry, to desire, to feel, to fight, to hope._

_Love that gives you the happiness that fulfills every space in your life, _

_Every hole in your heart_

_Love that inevitably makes you vulnerable. _

Edward Cullen was my first love, my only love. I was laid bare for him to take everything. And he was no less than thorough. My happiness, even though was only brief, was the best time I could recall. And loving him made me a new person. Yes, I thought I couldn't live without Edward, but really I was only choosing to live without him. He hurt me, he stabbed me, he broke me into a million pieces, but because of his actions, he has taught me what it feels like to open up to person. No matter how vulnerable, how defenseless I am, I would go through it all again if I had to. And I feel sorry for him; because he is the one who will never experience how utterly, recklessly, imperfectly, perfect loving someone really is. He will go on with his lonely existence making poor, selfless girls fall in love with him and breaking their hearts, but never will he give himself to someone. He was right. I will go on – go to college, fall in love, get married, have children, and grow old. I will be hurt, I will feel unbearable pain, but it's worth it, because there will also be some moments, no matter how brief, of irreplaceable joy, irrevocable love, and ecstatic bliss.

**Thank you for reading. Please Review.**


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